I hate Messenger

I have three instant messenging programmes - AIM, MSN and Y! - that make it, in theory, easy to be in contact with people. I heard it talked about on Click Online, the computer news magazine on BBC News 24, where someone was explaining how it was a new form on conversation that started and stopped through the day as it was convenient without the need for niceties like formal beginnings and ends to dialogues.

The problem is that I desperately want to talk to people. I'm very lonely and I am happy to talk about anything. I become paranoid that, as I am always the one who starts conversations, people don't want to communicate with me. There are some people who I see at LSE (so haven't completely lost touch with) who I know have messengers but I never see them online. How many people, I wonder, have blocked me? How annoying actually am I?

All this communication is wonderful so long as people communicate back. Hmph.

Now, I know I'm being foolish. I've only just taken my meds and I missed yesterday's dose, so that's forty-eight hours between them. I know I'm manic - I can't sit still, I've just spent far too much money on eBay, blah blah blah - but I have thought along these lines when neither manic nor depressive. There's a little voice (metaphorical, not actual) that suggests to me that the fears of the crazy phases have a basis in reality.



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